Today was Graduation Day for the 5th grade class where i have worked for the past 6½ months [at a San Francisco public school].  it was a beautiful ceremony, and i don't doubt that many people had tears in their eyes.

i like many of the students, just about all of them.  i love their wild energy, their unruliness, their ease and disregard for the powers that be.  In general, the autistic child that i worked with was treated well, and often included as a friend in many activities.

i like my fellow co-workers at the school.  i find them to be good and admirable people.  i believe that everyone involved wants what is good for the children.  Yet this was not a classroom that i would want to be in; nor would i want to send a child of mine there.  I witnessed scenes of great torment, desk slamming anger, tears of frustration, stupors of deadened resignation...  i remember that my 5th grade year was hellish [though not as bad as this was].  Perhaps there is something about that particular year.

"1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3..."
       -- a teacher timing the time for each student to have a drink at a water fountain following recess

there is a great deal of regimentation. A lot of time and attention is devoted to lining up, being quiet, and following orders.

i would estimate that 40% of our time in the classroom was spent with disciplinary issues:

• waiting for (some) students to be quiet
• dealing with (some) students
• penalizing everyone for the activity of some students

i'm not sure i could do better than the teacher i was helping.  Despite all the difficulties, there were some bright spots and successes.  Some learning was going on.  But, in my opinion, not much.  Many of the students seemed deadened -- resigned to wait this thing out.  Others who weren't deadened were the "disciplinary problems".

the class seemed built upon a lack of respect of the students, and a constant war for control between the students and the teacher.  this is a war for which i have no appetite.

"It's not time for art. Why are you doing art?"
       -- a teacher speaking to a student; April, 2003

This comment crystalizes for me the school experience for these 5th graders.

When i worked at the Gazebo School (for children ages 1-5), we did all we could to help the children become independent, self-directing, and internally motivated.  it is an amazing thing to see a 1½-year-old child spontaneously go and get a drink at a water fountain, or help with the task of unloading firewood.

i would hope that this self-direction would flow naturally into greater, more elaborate projects as the child grows in years.  certainly i believe that 5th graders (10 or 11 years old) are capable of helping prepare food and cleaning dishes.  At the Gazebo School, the children helped us with those things.  i can easily imagine 11-year olds planning and creating an entire meal.  What other projects might they do, giving the tools and access to instructors?

i think that hope for these children and others lies in: competition and choice.  Presented with a variety of different schools, i believe that parents would tend to choose the best for their children.  i don't have answers; but i firmly believe that we would all be far better served by a system of education in which all payments are made voluntarily (i.e., *not* by taxes), and all attendance is voluntary.

i hope some day we shall have such a system.